I’m back again!
Because things happen to me, and I need to tell my tales!
Delivery drivers are versed in the unexpected. From the moment we hit the parking lot, to the final stroll through the store, we NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.
Just like today…
Here’s the down low, of course names and paces aren’t real to protect the innocent, but the details I literally can’t make up.
Name: Holy Guacamole
Age: Apparently he was 92 (he wasn’t)
Story: Fridge was dead, all the food had rotted (truth),
Wife died (lie),
He couldn’t move or help with the old, dead fridge (truth),
He was sad, and broken up by his loss (also lie).
So the scene was humble enough: lots of things, but organized. Small place, middle of town, good neighborhood.
Everything was going fine. That old fridge was heavy, and stuck though. We had to… open it, to free the spot.
We almost gagged! Have you ever smelled two week old food crowding a fridge? It’s disgusting!
About this time, I accidentally figured out that his dead wife was just sleeping in the back. And by his reaction I don’t think I was supposed to know that. And before you ask, “Why were you snooping in this man’s house?” I wasn’t. I was looking for the water heater.
And the rest of the story gets worse from here…
He was mad because we couldn’t install the water. Why you ask? They’re water line was broken. There’s nothing we could do about that.
Oh- and he wasn’t 92, more like mid-sixties. And he was healthy, but… pretty strung out.
So that filthy fridge we got out? It got all over the floor. And that’s usually the job of the customer to clean up their mess.
So why we cleaned it up is beyond me- oh wait! It’s because we’re professionals. He called us out, telling us that we have to clean up the mess. I mean because it’s our mess right? We made the fridge dirty, and its our dirt and crud that we left under it all those years, right?
So we did, we wiped it up, no use fighting nonsense, am I right?
Well nonsense can become even more nonsensical apparently…
He was so paranoid, that I couldn’t leave the house until he got a copy of the receipt. Like I had a copier in the truck! And he couldn’t believe that I didn’t have a copy for him. He slandered me, slandered Lowe’s, and ranted about how terrible life is.
Even though… all he did was call, and lied to get his fridge super early.
The paperwork that he wanted so desperately, is really insignificant; only used to keep track of items, but it didn’t matter, he wanted a copy! And I felt like I was talking to an insecure girlfriend who had trust issues, because I had to convince him over and over again that I would talk to a manager about a receipt, and not just run away and forget. And I had him thoroughly convinced I would do what I could.
…I don’t think he ever got a receipt.